YOUR NAME
Delete this paragraph and write who you are. Two or three short paragraphs is the right length — this is a bio page, not an autobiography.
Blank lines start a new paragraph. You get bold, code, and links. That is the entire formatting set, on purpose.
Everything you see on this site lives in site.config.ts. There is no database, no CMS, and no admin panel. Change the words, run the build, push.
Reaching me costs nothing. No token, no wallet, no fee, no "contact fee that guarantees a response". It does require a small amount of ceremony, because the ceremony is the only part of this I enjoy.
Press the button. This page will generate you a single-use correspondence identity, entirely in your browser. It is sent nowhere and it grants you absolutely nothing.
This is your correspondence identity. If you lose these twelve words you lose nothing whatsoever, because they do not do anything. Write them down anyway. Somewhere safe. Consider laminating them.
Log into nothing. There is no app to download and no account to create. You are already fully logged in.
Email me the passphrase above, exactly as written. Do not paraphrase it. Do not reorder the vegetables. Do not open with "Hi, hope you're having a great week".
⚠️ CRITICAL: DO NOT send this from a corporate email client that appends a legal disclaimer. Fourteen paragraphs about the confidentiality of this transmission will cause the leek to lose interest immediately. If the vegetables are altered in transit I literally cannot verify you. You MUST send from an address you personally control.
Allow three to five business days for germination. I will detect the passphrase, ignore it completely, and reply to your actual question like a normal person. When I reply it is 100% authentic, because nobody else wants to talk to you this badly.
▸ Need vegetables? How to acquire and send.
1. Acquire vegetables. A supermarket. An allotment. A neighbour who has stopped counting.
2. Obtain a container. Any bag. The bag is not important. Nothing here is important.
3. Do not send the vegetables. This step is critical. Do not post produce to a stranger.
4. Send the email instead. You are done.
- You may contact me about almost anything. Recruiters are fine.
- This ritual guarantees only that I will read your email and possibly laugh.
- No crypto. No "quick call to pick your brain". No unpaid exposure work.
How does this actually work?
When you press the button, this page picks twelve words from a list of vegetables and then waits two seconds so it feels expensive. That is the entire mechanism. There is no cryptography, no blockchain, and no mathematics of any kind. You could have just emailed me.
A sentence about it.
Another sentence.